ttteeennnaaayyy

i have a goal. i have embraced my new passion in life. i am becoming a new person.what happened before spring break, what happened during and what is going to happen after  is an experience of a life time. i love the people in my life.

i love you all more than you know. in my most vulnerable state you were there. my weakest you were there. i know you were all scared , your strength is helping me pull through. i know ill be okay because i have you guys.well ALL be okay because we have each other. i cant say thank you enough and words cannot even come close to how much i am sooo grateful to have you in my life. thank you thank you thank you.

i feel stuck, overwhelmed, lost, confused, in love, strange, excited, stressed, moody, lonely, passionate, tired, lazy, curious, confident, selfish and soooo man other emotions. i cant figure out why i am not at least a little bit sane. i can’t pull my  self together and its killing me. i miss my family i love them too much. i miss my grandparents, i feel like im drowning with out them. who knew not grieving would kill me this much. i wish me and my mother had a better relationship maybe i wouldnt get so mad and frustrated with her all the time. i don’t understand why me and the person who gave birth to me can NEVER get along and in order for us to keep things civil convos need to be short and full of lies. i do however, understand the love i will always have for her. i wish my best friends had telepathy for they are the ONLY 3 people that know me from the cover to cover. Tash, Ricky & Jolene how have you not gone insane being my friends? i wish people shared souls and not stories. but sometimes the stories they tell are of the soul. we need that. i feel as is people can never truly understand people. i wish i understood the guilt i feel for … nothing. sometimes i wish the man above would stop trying to teach me lessons and make me a stronger person for once. let me break down, let me be angry at the world, let me hate everyone for something that has nothing to do with my situation. but i know i am stronger than that. id be an idiot to not realize how much potential i alone have.

so i guess after letting all of that out. fuck being so damn insecure and lets frolic in the meadow that is our lives.